I think all the idiots were let loose on this here Wednesday. Seriously. I started my day with a doggy walk and running a few errands around my apartment. It’s SO nice here (86 in October- suck it cold weather!) so I decided to take my studying/plan for the day and move it outside.
I headed to up our city’s most beautiful park where I almost killed two people on the drive because they thought it was appropriate to cross the street when the big orange hand said DON’T YOU F*CKING DARE! I was so prepared and house-wifey like for my outside study sesh; I had a blanket, a towel (for the reading sweats) water (for me and pooch), and treats for her, my books, computer, appropriate writing utensils and my iPod for a musical snack. It’s the most prepared for anything I’ve ever been in my life, to be honest; except that time I climbed Mount Everest. ß whhhaatt? No, I didn’t do that.
I get to the park, lay my items out neatly and extend the dog’s leash to the end so she has room to roam around our area. For anyone who knows my dog, she’s a crazy lunatic- for real. She’s 17lbs but she will kill anyone or anything that comes close to us, so it’s always nice to have her in a park full of people, children, birds, other dogs and the like. Just as I’m getting my brain all geared up and into the text my canine companion goes ape shid over a squirrel that, in his defense, is minding his own dayum business! It takes me about 15 minutes to get her to sit down and stare at the squirrel with some occasional whining. Idiot number three is my dogder- does that make me a bad pet owner?!
I continue to read for the majority of the afternoon when a group of six, shirtless dudes in tiny, tiny running shorts go jogging by on the path in front of me. I didn’t really pay attention because I was busy, but two minutes later they’re sprinting right by my blanket. I’m not saying this in a fun “Oh look at those hot, shirtless, runner dudes who want to run past my blanket”- NO. I’m saying it in a “WTF do you have to run so close to my blanket for? You just dropped sweat on me sicko! Really? This has to happen RIGHT here when you have an ENTIRE park?!” I was irate. So I packed up all my things, collected my dog- let her bark and chase them on their last go ‘round- and got in my car to go to Target.
Cut to me unloading my items from Target and getting in the elevator (with dog in tow) to come up to my floor. We stop on the wrong floor and out of nowhere a puppy bulldog gets into the elevator. At this point in the story, please refer to paragraph 3 and choose your own ending…just jokes. She didn’t attack the puppy, but she was barking and got in his puppy face as if she was going to snap his neck like a little black, four-legged ninja. This man appears and grabs his dog out of the elevator, doors close. We’re safe. I guess I should say that puppy is safe from the 5th Floor Devil Dog. People need to stop being idiots and keep their dogs on a leash. I understand if your dog is friendly and trained and perfect, but mine isn’t. For your own safety and your dog’s safety lock it up and keep track of it, otherwise I’m going to let my killer baby eat your face.
Unemployed Wednesday. Ugh.
Boo! Wednesday's Worst Face
(Buzz, your girlfriend...woof!)
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