Sweepstakes

There was a time in my life when I was a Professional Sweepstakes Enter-er (a PSE for those of you not familiar with the biz). That is totally true. I did it for a “living.” Entered sweepstakes. Some of you may wonder why I ever quit…and I like to think I really never did. Entering sweepstakes is like a crack addiction- or so I’ve been told. Give it a shot: http://contests.about.com/od/sweepstakeslistings/a/allsweepstakes.htm. 

So I really did “quit” for the more logical answer that no one was paying me to enter and I wasn’t winning anything.

At that juncture in my life I lived in a house with three other people: two ladies and a lady (lady 3 = an extremely attractive gay man). We all decided to stay in that house and extend our partying into the hot, saucy summer months of Wisconsin. My three roommates had jobs and would go to work each day like the pre-adults they were. I, once again, found myself unemployed and at home all day alone. Writing this out makes it seem like am “funemployed” and alone a lot…to which I would say first to you- rude, mind your own. And secondly, yes. Yes I do, actually **insert soft weeping and pour of a morning libation here**

Each morning I would exit my shoebox of a room, that I kept at a frigid 55 degrees (I don’t do well when I overheat) and go to my roommate’s room where he had a BBDC (big, beautiful desktop computer) that was our main Internet hook up. After my morning World Wide Web time, I’d go for a run, put on my swimsuit and hit up le dock on le lake. Come 4pm I would wonder over to my girlfriend’s apartment (she also pumping the AC -godblessherheart) and we would watch Oprah. That was back in O’s hay-day and she looked FABULOUS! One day O was talking about a woman who had made her living being a professional sweepstakes enterer…does anyone else see where this is going?? You should, idiots, I already told you where it went. Pay attention! **Here is a link to said episode- www.don’tclickhereicouldn’tfindareallink.com.

This woman supposedly won vacations, cars, televisions/electronics, giant chess sets and huge bouncy castles. It was my calling- I needed a bouncy castle, and still do. I went home, got on my roommate’s computer and started filling out information for every raffle, competition and sweepstakes I could find. I was so excited I emailed everyone on my life list (yes that is a list in my address book) about my new career. When no one responded I figured it was because they were jealous of my new path and what this new profession was going to bring me. Makes sense- my friends are jealous of me often because I make SO MUCH money. Duh.

I continued to apply for and enter into random sweepstakes for about a month of summer when randomly my roommate’s computer started to get so bogged down with junk mail and annoying pop-ups that it had to be restarted on a regular five-minute schedule. I still refuse to believe it was my occupation that required him to get a new computer because, let’s be honest, there was so much porn on that thing I’m surprised it could even turn on. I did him a favor anyway -that thing was a piece of shid- get a Mac (<- Apple and Steve Jobs, I’ll be expecting my new AirBook for that plug any day now). Needless to say, I never won anything and owed my lady-roomy a new machine…or at least a clean “sweep” on the other one! Zing!

So as a wrap up, maybe it has always been my life path to create my own jobs…and ruin other people’s material goods, lives, livelihoods, etc. in the process. I think I’m making a real personal breakthrough here…and it’s only Wednesday. I deserve a drink J