Christmas Forties (of beer)

After I posted about the Christmas Theft, I wanted to post something nice- tis the season after all.

This morning I went for a little fitness run, get my cardio on and poppin’ and I ran past two homeless gentlemens; these two gents are not strangers to me or my neighborhood. They are always out there, sitting around together smoking the ‘grass’ and reading books. Seriously- reading books! Those two hobos must be the most well read men in San Diego. Every morning when I walk my dog the one in the wheel chair smiles and waves at me, then goes back to his book. His friend says “Good morning beautiful” or “Hello pretty girl” (I think he might be a parrot in a grown man suit) and waves at me with his big toothless grin. So sweet!

Today I went running by and the wheel chair man started waiving at me from about 10ft away. So I smiled and waved back, and his buddy gives me the biggest, most homeless smile I’ve ever seen and holds up his forty of Budweiser! I gave them both a big smile and thumbs up for the beer and kept going. As I was running I got to thinking about what would make their Christmas bright. Easy: some forties and books. If those two smelled better I would probably go join their book club in a hot second. Beer and books- what’s better then that?! So before I head home for the holidays, I’m going to drop off a good book and a nice bottle of booze (I mean, a forty of Old E is nice booze to a homeless guy) so they can get a warm, holiday buzz.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to all from Miss Funs :)

PS- I just thought of this poem:

These two homeless guys are hilarious

They love me

I love them

They drink 40's at 11am

I think that's a haiku. The end.

Twas a Christmas Theft

Ok, so listen: I was going about my usual ‘Errand Monday’ completing all the meaningless tasks I assign myself to pretend I am a functioning member of society when something craaaazy happened. As I was headed out of our local grocery, I noticed the girl in front of me was carrying some t-shirts. The tags were still on said t-shirts and as I was reading the back of her sweatshirt, she snatched up a poinsettia plant and ran for the door. She busted out and jumped into her red piece of shid tracker and sped away. The alarm in the store was beeping and she was getting away! I witnessed a THEFT during ‘errand Monday’ and you know what? I didn’t do a damn thing about it.

I should have said something, or even ran after her (no way) but I had a full cart of groceries and I really don’t like to get involved in those types of things. And in any case, it's the grocery store’s fault for putting their prized merchandise (over sized Chargers t-shirts and poinsettia plants) right at the front where any wandering sticky fingers can get at them and bolt. But I didn’t do anything…I just headed down the ramp and stared at her through the window trying to give her the ‘that just isn’t right’ look that only moms and Mexican janitors at elementary schools can give.

And furthermore, who steals at Christmas time?! I mean…tis NOT the season for stealing dummy. Then I got to thinking that maybe she couldn’t afford the gifts she had thefted; but, when I thought back to the scene of the crime and viewed it slo-mo  (in my mind) I remembered that she was wearing Ugg boots, Juicy sweatpants and a Honolulu sweatshirt. Those are all pricey items of clothing, unless you get them at Goodwill OR STEAL THEM! And if she had the ca$h monay to pay for a trip to Honolulu in which she purchased an expensive island hoodie, then she can afford a Charger’s t-shirt here on the main land. Maybe she just gets a rush from stealing things, and I can understand that. I one time stole a plant from a grocery store maself. I did it for Mother’s Day ß now there’s a holiday when stealing is appropriate. Those arrangements are expensive! Only the best for my mom :)

All ‘n all I would have to say that I don’t blame that girl. The poinsettia plant is a nice gift to give someone but definitely not worth the $20. Those t-shirts, well…I would be pissed if I got me one as a gift but in the spirit of Christmas, I am going to pretend she was going to hand them out to the homeless instead of wear them all at once (or give them to me). So go on little girl, steal away, but just remember that Santa sees everything and he knows what you’re doing with those t-shirts. So watch your back, Grinch.

Side note: isn’t it odd that Santa can see everything you do? Sound familiar? Like someone ELSE who can apparently see everything you do?! I’m just saying there is an odd coincidence- both men, both have oddly long beards, both know if you’re naughty or nice, both have sons that may or may not be the Messiah…or whatever, this might be a thought for another day. I need a holiday drink.

----> this made me laugh: Christmas Criminal

A happy dilemma...

Woot woot! The impossible happened…I got the job! Amg thanks! ß I’m pretending you’re congratulating me, which you are.

Here are some awesome things: I would be getting a paycheck for more than circus peanuts. I probably don’t start until Jan. It is an awesome company providing me with full benefits. I would be doing something that I like and care about, and can dress in jeans everyday. J

Here are some not awesome things: I would be employed again and working 8a-5pm. I wouldn’t be able to stay home with my dog and see crazy homeless people all day long. I couldn’t sleep until 10am (let’s be honest, noon) every day anymore. J

I’m 95% sure I’m going to accept the position, but what will become of my little bloggy here? I’ll feel bad knowing that I’ve upset the one person that reads it. Let’s take a poll:

Please Vote:

1.     1. Continue the blog as Miss Funemployment even though I’m employed

2.    2. Change the title and blog about funny things at work --> Miss Funemployment Funemployed

3.     3. Discontinue the blog (boo)

4.     4.  Don’t accept the paying job and blog for donations (yay!)

5.    5. Have other funemployed guest bloggers (most likely not as funny as me, duh)

Vote away minions! And congrats to me J

Thursday's PSA

Listen up idiots of the Greater San Diego County: If you’re walking your dog and said dog is off its leash, then I am NOT responsible for my dog decapitating your dog. We are currently getting private lessons on not being such a b*tch, but honestly…Rome wasn’t built in a day. I know everyone in our residence hates us and thinks it’s wrong that we, for some reason, think we own the lobby, elevators and 5^th floor; however, when we get outside all bets are off. As a wonderful, careful and not to mention handsome (ah wink) handler, I do my absolute best to tell my dog that what she’s doing isn’t appropriate behavior for a lady. But once she is in the zone it is out of my hands. So once again, if your dog comes up to us uninvited for unsolicited butt sniffs, don’t expect a hug. Thanks for listening. The more you knoowww  ß that was Thursday’s PSA.

On a lighter note- I still haven’t heard back in regards to my last interview…so, goodbye cruel world. Just joking! I’m planning on going in tomorrow to occupy their lobby. Apparently it’s a new movement this ‘occupy’ thing and it is really catching on. Someone said it has been fairly affective in New York City and 99% of something can’t be wrong! After that imma occupy the bottom of a wine bottle- Happy Thursday J