Internsh*t

Hi Fan(s)-

I apologize it’s been a few days since I blogged. I’ve been busy. HA- don’t buy that. I was just bored and couldn’t think of anything to write.  Since we last spoke I’ve signed up for a personal training certification, turned in my unemployment form TWICE and still don’t have a job. I’ve had a few emails about openings, but they’re all at some random @ss staffing company that I personally don’t think even exists. It’s either one guy with 900 different email accounts, or it’s fake and these are just robots sending out emails to try to get me to show up to an “interview” and suck my brains out.

All these fake job emails reminds me of my “senior” year in college (I added “” ß those because it was my 5^th year….shud up) when I applied for internships around Madison. I received an email response for an internship at Aflac Insurance. I loved that duck and it seemed like a quacktastic place for an internship, so I set up my first interview. I dressed all appropriate and adulty like (not in my Wisconsin sweatpants for the first time that entire semester) and drove to the interview. When I arrived at the office there was a receptionist desk with a HUGE stuffed duck sitting there. I tapped on the desk and said “Helllloo?” No response. Perfect. Stood up on my first interview. “Hello?” And finally I hear a man’s voice “Hi, yes back here. I’ll be right up.” Now I’m all nervous because there is someone in that office besides myself and the duck (which was most likely a nanny-cam).

A 30-something man comes up to the front and introduces himself as the manager. He could have been the janitor for all I know, but I followed him to the back of this office space- and by office space I mean abandoned old-timey candy factory. Whhhaat? It was my first interview- give a girl a break!

My first question revolved around my observation that there were NO OTHER EMPLOYEES IN THE ENTIRE OFFICE. None. Me, the duck, the man- three bodies in that office building. He responded with “Oh, well most of our agents work out in the field and only come into the office a few days a week. I guess they’re all just out working at the same time!” Hahaha. Not. Funny. Dude. So I proceed with my interview. I tell the man that I am a very good student (lie) and that I have a 3.7 GPA (that was actually my best friend’s GPA- just went ahead and borrowed that little life detail from her for the day) and that I really love insurance (and ducks). After about a half an hour interview I left that place feeling really good about what I had just done. He called about 30 seconds later and said they (who was they?) wanted to invite me back for a second interview! Yay!

On arrival for my second interview I again encountered a completely empty office. Weird, I know. But I just figured all the employees were dead…or wait, what did he say they all did? Anyway, I went into this man’s office and he started the interview with this, “So, I checked out your Myspace page.” Um….excuse me, I thought you had said you went on the world wide interwebs and performed an unsolicited search on me. Me- “Oh, and what did you find?” Just remember that at this point in history Myspace was a pretty big deal and my page was the sh*t. I didn’t put any bad pictures up though because I don’t take bad pictures- OH SNAP! It just had an awesome Justin Timberlake background song and floating snapshots of all ma friends. So, he replied “oh just normal college stuff” and at that point I knew I would not be working for Aflac. A. How do you know what “normal college stuff” is, you’re 109 years old. B. Don’t look me up on the internet CREEP!

He called after my second interview and said “they” had decided to offer me the internship for the fall. I politely declined and received an email back almost instantaneously asking me out on a date. Quack you Aflac man!