When my sibs and I were growing up my dad used to tell us to “always look your best” because apparently you never know whom you may run into. My friend, Jimmy, took this advice very seriously and has really implemented it into her life today. She’s always ready to go out to a fancy dinner, her hair is always quaffed for a surprise photo shoot and her outfit can change from work appropriate to inappropriate with a few snaps and belts. I, on the other hand, have made sure to always look like I just worked out and on my good days, to look like a slightly more feminine version of Hulk Hogan. THAT’S RIGHT BROTTTTHHHER!
But really….ugh. Showering is hard. It hurts my feelings. It’s a process and not one that is actually required to live your life…or so I’ve found out. Want to know what else isn’t required when you aren’t working? Doing your hair, putting on make-up or getting out of sweatpants. Ha. Serious! No one cares! No one knows! It’s like a secret unemployed uniform. I do shower (sometimes) and I do change my sweatpants (into my running shorts) so it’s not like I’ve completely let myself go here…I like fooling the working folk into thinking I’ve just come, or am going, to the gym. Like I have the best job in the world and can go workout whenever it pleases me. This is how I did things when I was actually employed and I gotta tell ya…it’s going over A LOT better for me now days!
I will admit however, I get a little self-conscious when I go out to walk the dog in the morning. I’m thinking that people are judging me (because I'm so much more interesting than them and their life) and wondering how I am out walking my dog (in sweatpants) at 10am. Shouldn’t I be at work? ß That’s the people thinking that. So I always have excuses running through my mind just in case that one stranger on the sidewalk decides to ask why I’m out at 10am in workout clothes. But these start going through my head at warp speed so when people are like “good morning” I immediately respond with “I’m a nurse, I work the night shift, I just got home and am walking my dog and then going to bed. I work nights, I’m a nurse. It’s a night….it’s a job that’s at night. It goes on at nights. So….” I scurry away and the next person passes “Hi” and I go “I’M A PERSONAL TRAINER, I HAVE CLIENTS AT 5AM AND THENIGOHOMEANDGOBACKTOBEDANDILOVESWEATPANTSANDSHOWERINGISHARD.
So by the time I get back from that walk I’ve had at least four different professions and 900 conversations (all in my head of course) with strangers about why I’m out and about at 10am pretending it’s a Sunday. And now that I’ve told you my secret I need to spend the next 20 minutes making up new jobs and reasons to be out on a Tuesday, as well as ironing my yoga pants. Keepin’ it classy J
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