Wine Wednesday

Sobriety: the quality or state of being sober

I don’t think being sober is a quality, actually. It’s more of a downer- and not the good kind. More in a literal way since alcohol is a downer (according to SOME know it alls). What I’m saying is, with all my free time I am beginning to wonder how people stay sober during the day. Don’t get me wrong here- I’m not an alcoholic by any means. People tend to throw that word around… “Alcoholic”…they use it too loosely, like “maternal” and “emotional”.

When my day is finished at 2pm (or 10am), it’s hard to not start happy hour right then. I guess I would just end up in bed by about 7pm and most likely sleep until 10am, thus getting over a solid 12 hours of sleep. I’ve heard that is not as healthy as one might think, so maybe drinking in the afternoon each day ain’t a good idea. Not to mention the wear and tear on the ole liver. But honestly, what is left to do when the dog has been walked 40 miles, one has worked out for two hours, all emails have been answered and that bottle of white is chilled to Wednesday afternoon perfection?! Also, don’t you have two livers? I can spare one.

I guess this is what people are talking about when they say if they weren’t working they would be bored. But I’m not bored. Does drinking wine at 2pm on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday- any day ending in D.A.Y. - sound like someone who is bored to you? That just sounds like good time management to me. Sort of like someone who is efficient enough with the day that they are able to kick back and relax earlier than the rest of the world. A person who, at the very least, should most likely be consulted by any Fortune 500 company on how to get employees to function with such speed and effectiveness.

Is it really my fault if I get all my work done in two hours while it takes others all day? It seems to me like the system works backwards. I should not have been laid off for my ability to quickly and effectively complete simple tasks (then enjoy wine). I should have been promoted. I’ve got ‘upper management’ written all over me! Except for most recent Thursday when I decided to do an “out of work bar crawl” with my friend Bertha, we were totally over inebriated by 4pm, eating mystery lasagna and getting Angry Birds tattoos. In our defense, it was a REALLY nice day outside, it was the start of Comicon, and the tattoos were fake, so…

“The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.” – Office Space